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Etiquette 101: 9 Things You Never Say To An Expecting Woman

by | February 22, 2019

Some people really need an etiquette 101, especially when they are around pregnant women. Here’s a list of things you never say to an expecting woman…

Oh my gosh, there’s something about being pregnant that seems to give other people verbal diarrhea. They come out with the strangest, most insensitive, rudest and inappropriate things. I don’t know what it is but having a baby bump really does make you a magnet for stupid one-liners, whether they be from well wishers or just dumb people with cra**y social skills.

Things You Never Say To An Expecting Woman: Etiquette 101
By Rawpixel.com/shutterstock
Things You Never Say To An Expecting Woman: Etiquette 101

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Things You Never Say To An Expecting Woman

There were more than a handfull of times where I was left dumbfounded and speechless by ignorant comments at a time in my life where I lacked a sense of humor. Sometimes I’d just stand there aghast and others, if they got me at the wrong moment, I’ve verbally lacerated a clueless well-wisher.

Here is a list of things you never say to an expecting woman.

“You know what causes this, right?”

Ugh! No, I had no idea how this baby got into my tummy. My partner and I are just such sex fiends that we can’t keep our hands off each other, and somehow I keep popping out babies. Also, I’m thrilled to know that you’re thinking about my sex life now.

“Wow, are you sure you’re not having twins?”

Yes, I’m positive. But thank you for making me feel like a blimp. I’ve been so busy basking in the glow of growing a new life inside me that I wasn’t already self-conscious enough about my weight gain, so thanks for bringing me crashing back to earth. Jerk.

“Wow, your hips are so tiny, you know you’ll have to have a C-section.”

Well, thank you Dr. nobody. My hips are fine, but I’d like to thank you for reminding me about the traumatic birth of my first kid, who had shoulder dystocia.

“You’d better sleep now because you won’t sleep for eighteen years after the baby is born.”

Do you see the black bags under my eyes? I haven’t slept in a week because my baby has been pounding the top of my cervix like it’s a drum kit. But at least now I know there’s a light at the end of the insomnia tunnel, NOT.

“OMG, let me tell you all about my super-traumatic birth that happened in the car on the way to the hospital.”

No, please don’t. I’m already terrified enough as it is that I won’t make it to the hospital in time considering I live forty-five minutes away.

“Oh, this is your third? Same father?”

Excuse me, what now? How is that any of your business? If I weren’t so gobsmacked, I would make you cry right now. Rude!!

“OMG, you still haven’t had that baby yet? It seems like you’ve been pregnant forever”.

No sh*t Sherlock. It’s a normal human pregnancy, nine months long. Don’t worry, and I’m counting down the days, weeks and months myself.

“It’s definitely a boy; you’re carrying it all in your ass.”

Again, thanks. I know I’m looking rather bootylicious right now, but let’s keep fat shaming comments to ourselves, mmmm k?

“OMG, you shouldn’t be eating/drinking that”

Thanks, Karen, but the last time I checked, I was in charge of my own body, and what I put into it, also it’s decaf so f**k off.

What were the most stupid things you heard while you were pregnant? Comment below.


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Julie Nealon

Associate Editor, New York USA | Contactable via [email protected]

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