Lawmakers Legalize ‘Free Range Parenting’

by | March 2, 2018

Free Range Parenting. or as the rest of us like to call it ‘doing the dishes instead, willing bedtime to come soon and wishing they’d get off the back of the couch’


Utah lawmakers, in what was an otherwise boring day sitting around the officer cooler. Decided that parenting needs its own legislative bill, to ensure parents know that what are seemingly everyday occurrences across the country, are now legal, while pointing out that no one has ever actually been in trouble for these acts in the state of Utah before. Instances include

Allowing your kids to play in their garden

Taking the bus to school

Not being hovered over at the park like a helicopter mom on adderall

The ‘Free range parenting’ bill that was introduced on Wednesday, will protect parents from being arrested, and spending a few days getting some shut eye, if they dare to allow their children to be in another room, or playing outside. Presumably this was a problem in Utah, that if children were to be out of eyesight ever, the not under pressure police, would swiftly move in and arrest Mrs. William’s. The fifth grade history teacher, who just can’t listen to her kids today, and let them spend some time playing video games in the living room alone.


The new law does have a stipulation, that children ‘must be otherwise well cared for’, which is ambiguous and open to interpretation by the reader. Let’s hope Utah law makers don’t abuse that loophole, because they’ve never done anything of the sort before.

Utah lawmakers have admitted that this has never happened before, but want to spend the money on pushing around a lot of paper making sure it doesn’t. Arkansas lawmakers considered a similar bill last year but ultimately rejected it. Probably wondering what the rest of us are at this point in time. Are there not more pressing matters at hand to legislate, than ensuring parents aren’t arrested for not going down the slide at the playground, while holding hands and a steady eye contact.










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