The Math Of Parenting According To Parents On Twitter
“Parenting is 85% pretending you know what you’re doing, 10% stepping on legos or marbles, 5% celebrating someone not crapping their pants.”
If parenting were a line graph, what would it look like?
Parents on Twitter have been posting the funniest tweets, comparing parenting to math. For some, parenting might be “80% trying to convince your kids to put their shoes on and 20% trying to find those same shoes they just had on.” For others, it’s more like “90% yelling because you’re late, 8% yelling because you have a headache, and 2% yelling because it’s the only volume you have now.”
Here are 20 mathematical tweets about the reality of parenting. It might not always add up, but it’s definitely relatable.
98% of parenting is picking up stuff off the floor and the other 2% is yelling about all the stuff on the floor.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) March 20, 2017
Parenting is 30% wondering why the kids are quiet and 70% rejoicing in the silence.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) September 24, 2017
Seventy-five percent of parenting is just trying not to yell "FUCK!" too loudly when you step on your kids' toys.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 15, 2018
KEEP READING FOR MORE HILARIOUS COMMENTS FROM PARENTS ON TWITTER
80% of parenting is remembering to look in the mirror to make sure you don't have a stickers on your face.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) May 22, 2017
Parenting is 20% loving guidance and 80% driving them around.
— Lori (@loribuckmajor) August 27, 2014
Parenting is 50% yelling PUT YOUR CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER and 50% yelling UM EXCUSE ME IS THAT A HAMPER? BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE A FLOOR TO ME.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 24, 2017
60% of parenting is making grand plans to do something special with your kids and then hoping they forget about them so you don’t have to go.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 24, 2018
Parenting is 90% yelling because you're late 8% yelling because you have a headache and 2% yelling because it's the only volume you have now
— Nuclear Mama (@NuclearMum) May 4, 2015
90% of parenting is using your finger to wipe your kids face.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) May 2, 2016
300% of parenting is scolding your kids over and over again for doing the same stupid thing over and over again.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 7, 2018
Parenting is 70% saying the same thing over & over, 20% wondering what that sticky stuff is, &10% trying to identify that God-awful smell.
— Debbi Smith-Moore (@lactation_debbi) August 27, 2015
#parenting is 30% chaos management & 70% saying with conviction things like "OMG Hurry! We're being chased by a daddy butt tiger cloud!"
— Nikki (@BravaBritt) July 17, 2015
Parenting is 50% gross stuff, 40% feigning enthusiasm and 30% being too sleep deprived to do math. #parenting
— Queen Nerd (@queennerd4life) July 17, 2015
Parenting is 50% telling your kids to hurry up and 50% telling them to slow down.
— Lazy Mummy (@littlelazymummy) July 27, 2015
Parenting is 50% love, 10% yelling, 10% flipping your kid off behind their back, 10% finding matching socks and 20% hiding in the bathroom.
— JoJo (@crotchfruits) February 19, 2016
Parenthood is:
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) October 29, 2015
10% Empty threats
10% "Get down from there"
10% "Are you sure you don't have to poop?"
70% Soul-splitting gratitude
Parenting is 90% trying to avoid being kneed, punched, or kicked in the groin by your tiny roommates.
— Shawn (@BackpackingDad) March 18, 2015
75% of parenting is reading made up statistics about parenting on Twitter
— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) July 19, 2018
80% of parenting is reminding kids that they actually like the food on their plate, since they ate the same exact thing two days ago.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) March 22, 2017
90% of parenting is hiding iPads from your children.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) September 30, 2015
75% of parenting is getting used to saying the words pee pee, potty and poopy. And 25% is getting used to never doing those things alone.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) February 10, 2017
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