Ready To Get your Boxing Gloves Out? Try These Ways To Calm The Fight

by Emma Williams | September 9, 2018

I read an article, that a blogger once wrote about helping an argument. It was during one of those times, where I’m googling ‘my husband is a selfish ‘you know what’ and figuring out ways to articulate it without it turning into another blown up argument and prevent the boxing gloves coming out.

What she said was interesting about when she and her husband fight with one another. 

If she and him are disagreeing, he says, “I love you,” in the middle of the argument to diffuse it. “In the middle of a fight, say, ‘I love you. You’re the most important person in the world to me,’ even if at that moment, those words are the hardest ones to choke out because you’re so mad,” she wrote.

I had a  difficult time trying to envision it, in the throes of ‘why can’t you just not do this one thing’ and being extremely annoyed, to turning around and reminding him how much I loved him. 

Arguments are like a rock rolling downhill

The difficult part about arguments, is that while they may start out calmly enough,  discussing what is annoying one another, once they get going and tempers get heated. it’s difficult to stop that boulder from rolling on down the hill smashing everything out of its way.  

It starts to feel out of control, and next thing you know  – you’re mentioning how six years ago in the park, they did something that is irrelevant right now, but apparently is still annoying you.

Ways to reign it back in

If you control your actions and emotions, your partner will be more likely to follow suit. To prevent a spat from doing permanent damage, try the following tips.

1. Open your ears

A lot of the time, we are only letting them finishing, while forming a  reply in our heads, waiting for our turn to throw out the reasons why they are wrong. Listening for keywords of what they’re saying, in order to point out their own flaws of logic.

Instead, listen – really listen. Take in what they are saying, don’t think of a rebuttal, just listen, hear the emotion in their voice, imagine you are them and how it would make you feel. 

Then respond. 

2. It’s not all black and white 

There doesn’t always have to be a winner and loser, maybe you’re both right and maybe you’re both incredibly annoying at this moment in time. One person doesn’t have to apologize for the argument to end. Accept that something, you’re both right and both wrong. 

3. Inside voice anyone? 

okay, I know in the heat of the argument, this is sometimes difficult. However, once someone starts shouting, all logic has gone out the window. It’s incredibly difficult to come back to a place of quiet and respectful talking in that moment. So stop, count to ten, and respond on a lower decibel. 

4. Don’t mention the previous stuff

Yes, they turned up late to the appointment six weeks ago, and yes, that taillight isn’t fixed on the car – but THIS argument isn’t about that. You’ll never come to a resolution if the argument is getting derailed into six different places. 

Stick to the point, what is annoying you right this moment about a particular issue. Then tackle the rest of the stuff. 

5. Deep breaths 

Arguments are stressful, emotional and just take a toll on you. Continue to be mindful of why you are there giving this your all. You love this person, you want to be with them, they’re just annoying AF right now. 

Count to ten, close your eyes, and find the clarity. 

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