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Dating as a Single Mom – Know all about Tinder, D**k-Pics and Saggy T**s

by | December 2, 2018

Want to try dating as a single mom? I’ve been single for about six months now and I’m ready to put myself out there again. Ever so slowly I’ve been dipping my toe into the dating pond. The water is a bit murky but I’m sure once I’m fully immersed it will feel glorious. In a short space of time I’ve learned some valuable lessons.

dating as a single mom
Credits: Kaspars Grinvalds/shutterstock

Being a single mom, I don’t really have the time to hang out at bars in the hopes that I’d meet Mr. Right-Now, nor do I want to. I’d much rather a hunky Jason Momoa look-alike asked me for my number while I peruse the veggie aisle at the grocery store, then we ride off into the sunset with our blended family and everyone lives happily ever after. We all know that isn’t going to happen. 

I used to be able take a whole day to get ready for a night out. Now I’m lucky if I get thirty minutes to slap on my face, and find something sexy to wear that A: isn’t covered in kid schmeg and B: hides the mummy tummy.

Dating As a Single Mom- Few Tips

The dating scene has definitely changed over the last decade. But dating as a single mom doesn’t need to be scary! Here are some things you need to know about navigating your way around Tinder, d***pics and saggy t*ts.

Tinder – swiper no swiping.

My God if Tinder isn’t soul crushing and so much fun at the same time. You have to really think about what you’re looking for here. If you’re looking for Mr. Right I’m not so sure that you’re going to find him there, BUT, it’s an awesome place to practice your flirting without actually having to see the other person cringing at how hilariously lame you are at it. Honestly, I didn’t get too many matches when I set my age range from 39 – 49. I don’t know if men my age are on Tinder, or if they’ve set their age-range a little lower. It’s probably the latter. I did however get about twenty notifications within an hour of lowering my range (and if I’m honest probably my standards too). Something about those younger boys, they seem to REALLY like the M.I.L.F.s.

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Saggy t*ts

The thoughts of getting naked in front of someone new can be paralyzing. It’s so scary that it can stop you from even trying to get back out there. Well, I’m telling you now, get over it. In my experience, men don’t care about stretch marks or saggy boobs. Real men want stimulating conversation, witty banter and a good laugh. If you happen to connect with someone on a personal level, go for it, get naked, get down, they’re going to love your boobs even if they look like tennis balls in tube socks. If they don’t, tell them to get steppin’. You’re smart, you’re funny and you’re fabulous, don’t ever forget that.


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F**k-boys

Ugh! I think these guys were around when I was younger. Maybe they were called players back then, but they’ve evolved. These guys are like military trained p***y-snipers. They seek out the gullible, the broken and the weak and they strike with erect precision. If you’re talking to a guy and he’s telling you everything you want to hear, he’s probably a f***boy. They’ll literally charm the knickers off you and then they’ll ghost you.


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Ghosting

It’s a thing! Have you ever dated someone and you thought that everything was going so well and then all of a sudden they disappear, zero contact, fell of the face of the earth? This is called ghosting. I don’t know if they’re just not into you or if maybe they got back with an ex or perhaps they’ve had to go into the witness protection program. These dudes just vanish, poof. It will happen to you, just be prepared for it, it’s not you, it’s them. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go on a texting frenzy, just let it go and move on. Next please.


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Unsolicited D**k – Pics.

Why? Just why? Guys, women do not want to see your penis. Well ok we do, but just not on our phone screens. Any time a guy asks me for my number the first thing I say is, “please don’t send me d**k-pics”. It’s a phenomemnon. A lot of dudes these days seem to think that it’s part of the datining ritual. Girl swipes right, guy swipes right, it’s a match, witty banter and coy flirting ensues, boy askes for number, girl hands it over, “bing – you’ve got male (appendages in your inbox)”. I have found an extremely effective repellant. You get a picture of a naked mole rat that you didn’t ask for, you send one right back. It works like a charm. They shrivel away faster than a penis in a cold pool.

Did I make dating these days sound awful? It’s really not, but these are things you need to be educated about. Knowledge is power ladies, now go get ‘em!

Do you have any ‘dating as a single mom’ story? Share with us in comments below. 

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Julie Nealon

Associate Editor, New York USA | Contactable via [email protected]

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Comments

One Response to “Dating as a Single Mom – Know all about Tinder, D**k-Pics and Saggy T**s”

  1. Melissa Audrey
    December 3rd, 2018 @ 3:58 pm

    Hi! I subscribe to alerts about dating articles. I’m not a single mom. I’m a married vegan love coach and this fun and entertaining article made me smile!

    I just wanted to put it out there that being a single mom is an advantage in many ways. For example, a single mom already has a ready made family and isn’t looking for a man to create one, a single mom is less attached to what happens on a date because she’s already got a full life, a man knows that a single mom can handle lots of stuff so he knows she can handle his stuff, etc. I could go on and on….Melissa xoxo

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